I think I figured out part of my reason I go “ew” when I see myself is cause of the shape of my face? Like, my brain expects to see a nice lean face with a defined jawline/cheekbones, but instead the reality is that my face is rounded pudgy smooshness, and not even in a cute way?
At least that’s my theory of why.
On the one hand I should chill / calm down now.
On the other hand-
Rage towards my gender, society, and hypersexuality born from society is a very very difficult emotion to restrain on rough days.
The only big sad thing with that rant I had done was the fact that it did not move the person I was trying to emotionally move…
There’s something about how social disabilities cripple the ability to do Basic Business Contact that then leads to a lvl of extreme helpless overdependence towards others that makes me so frustrated and angry. I’d rather not have other people as a crutch for something that I need to be able to do myself if I’m going to be doing ANY kind of business long term.
It’s like I go from Okayish Functional Human Being to Clamped Up Child In a Bubble.
“-just kidding but it sounds like something someone on here would say“ posts generally piss me off.
As much as I love to ramble I am coming to the souring conclusion that my rambles are just a bunch of pointless air. Few if any want it for the topics I get rambly-passionate for, and for the sake of not hurting myself through them not caring I should just, stop, talking. One could argue that hurts just the same but I’d rather not feel like I’m being shut down.
“when you think you’d be free to do that and we can go around to hunt for tree seeds in London?“
“I-“
*gets hollered at from downstairs about another set of immediate hour-long tasks that I wasn’t informed about until the very last minute along with more tasks for the next week which don’t include the additional immediate tasks that I’ll be thrown into during the week*
“-Not that I don’t want to, but it might be best that I send a list and you can send what you find through the mail… The farm is a little chaotic here.“
Kihaku-Gato's Garden Blog (tumblr import) 