Given that every time I talk about what’s going on with me I loose followers, I’m sure that my not reblogging those posts, not writing them seems like a good thing but the truth is I’m getting to the point where the only time I have any energy is when I’m actively having a full-blown panic attack. I’m not built for this. I’m not handling the stress well. I’m constantly nauseated, I can barely eat and when I do I have trouble keeping it down.
And things always just seem to be getting worse. My scanner is broken and unfixable and so is my cell phone. What did I do to deserve all of this. I also have to deal with going to court because I took in newborn puppies just before Thanksgiving. They were hours old and someone put them in a pillowcase and tossed them in a dry ditch. I was ticketed for not having them vaccinated, licenced and spayed by Valentine’s Day when I received the ticket. FYI puppies aren’t vaccinated until at least 4 months and licences can’t be issued without a rabies vaccination. I’m dreading the whole thing.
My mom’s stroke rehab transferred her to a nearby hospital on the 4th because she had another bleed. They’re having a great deal of trouble getting her blood to clot properly. It’s either not clotting or clotting in a big way-hence her stroke. I have no idea when she’ll be back home.
I don’t know how much longer I can hang on. There’s a whole pile of bills I can’t even bring myself to open. I feel like I’m living in a nightmare and I just can’t wake up. I’m losing hope I can do this, that I can take care of things, hold the fort. I’ve lost faith that I’ll ever enjoy another moment of my life. It seems more and more certain that life will just be lonely, scary and painful from here on out.
Anyway, if you can please buy some of my artwork. If you don’t see the one you want on etsy you can message me. Only about a ¼ of my paintings have been listed.
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Kihaku-Gato's Garden Blog (tumblr import) 